Patience for Patients

It was Wednesday afternoon and I still had not received a call from the radiologist. Being as panicked as I was, I decided to call the maternal-fetal medicine specialists to find out what was going on. I ended up leaving a message for the nurses to call me back.

Shortly after I left my message, a nurse called me back with the news. To my dismay, she informed me that they did have the results, but she wasn't sure what the implications were for the abnormal discoveries they had made. She also told me that the radiologist saw some things that they weren't aware of before. So, of course, I immediately began to freak out, imagining the worst...whatever that may be.

The nurse ultimately refused to give me the reported results and she suggested that I come in for a meeting with the neuro-radiologist, neurologist and neonatologist instead. Fortunately, there was another patient who had a meeting arranged with these doctors at 9AM the following morning. I was told that it usually takes up to weeks to get these three doctors together in the same room. She apologized for the short notice, but there was no way I was going to miss the opportunity for this meeting. I knew I would be allowed to take time off work to go, so I agreed to meet with the doctors at 10AM.

When I called Andy to tell him about the meeting, he immediately said there was no way he could make it to that meeting due to his heavy load at work. I knew he wanted to be there, but part of me didn't care who went with me; I'd go by myself if need be. I quickly made arrangements for my mom to come with, for moral support and potentially to drive me back home in case the news left me too disoriented to drive.

For the remainder of the day, I allowed myself to imagine what news I would be given in regards to the findings. I began to imagine that the MRI revealed uterine cancer and that I would likely die unless they treated it immediately. I imagined that there was some other problem with my own anatomy. I imagined that Caleb's brain abnormalities were accompanied by other severe and life-threatening abnormalities that failed to show up on the ultrasound. What could she mean by "they saw some other things that they weren't already aware of"? Once again, I knew it would be a long and difficult night with an abundance of nightmares and terrifying thoughts.