Keeping the Faith

It began to get easier...the commitment to faith and trust. At times I could feel myself being pulled into the mindset of despair, but it wasn't that difficult to pull myself right back out again. I was always conscious of it when I felt it coming on, and that helped me to not let myself give in. It wouldn't have been fair to Caleb.

Now, I have always had the Catholic Church in my life. My mother is a woman of great faith and she tried to teach us as children that we should always give everything to God and let Him bless us as he chooses. She has always taught me to respect life from the moment of conception and because I understood and embraced this at a young age, I have always been unconditionally prolife. Not in a judgemental way, but with compassion and love for humanity.

Let me just say that it is easy for a woman to be prolife when she has never had an unplanned pregnancy or been pregnant with a handicapped child. Don't get me wrong...the "choice" of abortion was NEVER an option for me. I especially can't imagine making the choice to abort a child after you have felt him move inside you. What I am saying is that I actually found myself in a position that would cause many a woman to consider ending the life of her child. For once, I got to see it through their eyes. I cannot describe the pain in my heart when I thought of the women who have chosen death over life. How devastating and sorrowful it must be to feel that there is no other choice.

I have spent many hours imagining what it would be like for these women who feel like abortion is their only option. I have been blessed with such a strong faith that I know I will make it through whatever the future holds for Caleb, but what about the women who don't know faith? The women who have no strength? How terrifying this world must be for them? It is difficult to imagine.

This idea of what "choice" means for women like me just reconfirms my prolife stance. This cross that I have been given to bear is ultimately making me a better person and giving my life a joy it never had before. There is a blessing being bestowed on me now; one like no other, and it is because I choose Caleb. I know that these same gifts are awaiting every woman who chooses life. Sometimes it's just difficult to accept them.