Saturday, April 10, 2010

The Aftermath of a Figurative Hurricane

I surprised myself by my ability to make it through the work day after learning the news. I had typed an email to our family that described the situation and filled everyone in on Caleb's prognosis. After I sent out the email, I printed it on a piece of paper so I could take it with me to work the next day. The last thing I wanted to do the day after learning my son would be severely handicapped was to repeat the story over and over again to all my coworkers. I knew it would be easier to just let them read about it and pass the paper to whoever else wanted the details.

One by one, my coworkers came to my cubicle, consoling me as best they could. Many of them were crying; all of them were offering to help in any way they could. I sat and cried in silence as I let them embrace me. I told them all that there was no way anyone could help me besides listening to my agonizing story and praying for a miracle. Let me just say that I never knew how amazing all the women my department were until I experienced their true care and concern regarding my crisis. I learned of their generosity, their faith, their strength and most of all, their compassion. True friendship comes through situations like these.

It was a difficult day, but I was happy to be surrounded by a blanket of comfort, and I was glad to be given a large load of tasks to complete as I knew that would distract me from my emotions. Throughout the long hours of that Friday, Caleb's prognosis began to settle in me. I wasn't "okay" with the news, but I was managing to swallow it down into the pit of acceptance. I even found myself laughing at times throughout that day; never forgetting my grief, but somehow allowing myself to put it aside and smile.

That evening, my daughter brought me more laughter. Over the course of the weekend, my husband and I discussed how our life together would change in the future. Through my tears I sorted it out. I let myself grieve once more. I let myself prepare for what I knew was to come; this road ahead was certain to be filled with struggles, fears and tears. But somehow, I managed to see with clarity the potential for joy. It was a distant thought; one that I couldn't quite imagine, but I knew it was there. I knew that God would get me through this as long as I turned to Him. I just needed to find my trust.

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