Good Grief

In case you don't know, the grieving process goes something like this: Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. Over the course of the days since my ultrasound, I had gone through this process. The one thing that I noticed in going through these steps was that I completely skipped the stage of anger.

I have never been known to be an angry person, but I am aware that anger is common among people who do not understand God's plan for their lives. I thought I'd become angry as a healthy step of the grieving process, but it just never happened. Maybe it's because I refuse to blame myself, or God, or mankind. If there's no one to blame, there can't be anyone to be angry with; can there? This made sense to me as a reason to not be angry, but I later realized it wasn't the only reason.

The real, true reason I had for going straight from denial to bargaining, and completely skipping the stage of anger was simply this: I had people praying for me to be strong. I had people praying the acceptance into me. I knew that I had a long road ahead of me; one filled with suffering, stress, anguish and fear. But also filled with strength, love, joy and peace. I knew I'd be going through that grieving process over and over again, but I also knew that I would always, no matter what, skip right over the stage of anger.